DISTRIBUTION: Previous parts at http://www.angelfire.com/sd/sarebear. Anyone else who wants this may have it if they have been granted permission to use the rest of the series, but others PLEASE ask so I know where it's going!
DISCLAIMER: I own none of the BtVS characters. They belong to Joss Whedon, Fox, Mutant Enemy, and other parties.
FEEDBACK: Yes please! Flames will be used to light the fireplace 'cause it's so cold over here!
DEDICATION: To all of you who have sent me feedback on this story and I haven't responded.. sorry, I've been so busy lately and haven't had time to respond to anything!
SPOILERS: Season four
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Follows "Explanations" and all the others in the series.

As he walked beside her in one of Sunnydale's many graveyards, her silence gave him the opportunity to gaze about his surroundings and reminisce about the memories he had tried to suppress for so long.

Flashes of his life before Los Angeles blinded his vision, and he felt like he was an outsider and was merely looking in at a life he wished he had. He saw himself fervently kissing her, saw her winding her arms around his neck and arching up against him, aching for constant contact with his body.

Shaking his head and willing himself not to think about their past, he kept his chin level and his face forward and concentrated on the task at hand.

Buffy stared at him. He was handsome, she had to say, and if what her friends were saying was true, she was proud of herself for catching a good man.

Truth be told, she was extremely and utterly confused. She knew that her friends wouldn't lie to her about something like this. They tried not to joke when it was strongly inappropriate, and were pretty much truthful with her when it came to things as serious as this.

The thing that scared her was if this was true, if she really had experienced some of her greatest moments with this man, this *vampire*, what would happen if she didn't get her memories back? She didn't think it would affect her that much, but what if it did? And all of that aside, what if she never got to know what that kind of love felt like again?

So lost in her thoughts, she didn't notice the vampire that came hurtling out of the bushes until moments before it toppled on top of her.

They tumbled to the ground, and the greedy vampire bared his fangs. Just as she was about to kick him off of her, he was suddenly pulled away and thrown to the ground a few feet away from her.

Angel quickly retrieved a stake from the pocket of his trench coat and jammed it into the vampire's unbeating heart, sending a cloud of ashes into the air, which was quickly swooped away by a sudden gust of wind and taken into the breeze.

Looking back at Buffy, he could tell she was clearly stunned. Standing up, he lightly brushed himself off without breaking eye contact with her.

They locked eyes for the longest of moments before she looked away, irritated and confused.

"You okay?" He softly asked.

She sharply turned her head and stared at him with glistening eyes, then simply nodded before looking away once more.

Sighing and rubbing the back of his neck in frustration, he continued to follow her through the many slabs of concrete which were scattered atop the ground.

Five minutes later, she stopped. Curious, Angel came up next to her and peered down at her with inquisitive eyes.

"Why did you help me?" She suddenly blurted out. "Is it because of this supposed past that we have? Or were you just doing your job?"

Trying not to be hurt by her harsh words, he looked to the ground, not wanting to see her when she was obviously so distraught.

"I thought we made it clear to you." He quietly replied. "I love you. And as an answer to your second question, I guess I kind of was doing my job." He mustered up the courage to look up and into her eyes. "But my job doesn't even compare to my love for you." He misinterpreted her look of touched confusion for worry and disgust and looked away, thinking he was going too far too fast. "I'm sorry." He mumbled.

She was taken aback. "You're sorry for what you said?"

"No, I'm not sorry for the words I said, I'm sorry for how soon I said them. I know you must be perplexed and confused, and I'm probably just pushing you to believe something that you aren't ready to believe."

She gingerly touched his arm. "It's okay. You're really sweet. And I know that if I could remember you, I think I'd still love you. The thing is, I'm not sure if this is all real yet. I just can't believe that I would fall in love with a vampire, and then not remember it." She sighed and crinkled her brows in thought. "I'm trying to think of something that could've triggered this, but I.." She trailed off.

Angel looked up. "Are you remembering something?"

"No. Not really. I mean, maybe... but.." Pursing her lips together, she squeezed her eyes shut and focused intently on the image playing out before her. It was blurry, and fuzzy, but she thought she could see something... "I think I was outside, looking at the sky."

"At least that's something to build on." He mused.

She looked up and smiled. "Yeah, I guess so. Do you think we should go back to Giles' house to tell him about this?"

He shook his head. "No, not yet. Let them research a little bit just in case. We don't want to intrude yet." He started to walk. She followed.

The moonlight danced on the ground and streamed through the tops of trees, creating eery shadows that shone upon the ground. This whole experience was just a bit to surreal to Buffy, and she no longer knew what to believe. She honestly felt that Angel had strong feelings for her, there was no doubt about that. The question was - what was real? Were her memories real? Were her friends real? Or was everything she knew being twisted into some false facade courtesy of the hellmouth? Was she the only thing that was part of true reality?

She refused to believe that. She couldn't imagine being the only real person in the world. But everything that had been happening lately was so false; so untrue. She couldn't even fathom what would happen in the next few days, but she knew the gang was going to be attempting to restore her memories of.. what was his name? Angel? Yes, Angel. It was a nice name. Nice and sweet. Possibly deceptive if he was really a vampire, and she could sense that he was.

Feeling a headache beginning at the back of her head, she silently willed herself to stop thinking so hard. Her friends would figure out what was wrong, and if they didn't, ... well, that would present a problem.

That is, if *they* weren't the problem. Who knew? Maybe *she* was right and they were wrong. Maybe she never knew Angel and this man attempting to come across as a vampire with a soul was really a demon intent on destroying the world. Maybe he cast some sort of spell that put false memories into her friends' heads, and to get her the demon was going to have them do something to her by influencing them to do what he wanted them to do!

Inaudibly groaning, she realized that she was indeed thinking too much. She didn't even think have of what she thought made sense. After all, her friends would never put her in danger. Unless of course they were under the influence of the demon.

STOP STOP STOP, she thought to herself. She couldn't think those kinds of thoughts at a time like this.

But still, it would be best to be cautious. Giles would want her to be extremely careful about this kind of thing.

So she would be. She wouldn't let this Angel character get to her. And if she found out that he was an evil demon, she would have to plot against him and form a plan to save her friends.

Until she found out what was what, she wouldn't let him get near her. She wouldn't let him affect her thoughts and opinions on him. Not until she knew what the truth was.

With that resolved, she finished the patrol with the vampire and walked back to her watcher's house with a new plan to stay away from Angel. You never knew what he might be trying to influence her into doing.

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